Glad?

Here I am once again. I thought I would have placed this blog to rest. Or rather I could have placed this blog to rest. But in a way I'm glad I didn't as I would never have been able to dig it up again.

I thought I had gotten over her, but apparently not. One thing that Rachel said to me when we were still together is that I hadn't gotten over her. And it hurt, mainly because now that I think of it, it's true. I haven't gotten over her.

Yesterday we went to Vivocity. It was with a bunch of other friends and it was to watch an uninteresting movie, with a mediocre dinner and so-so drinks. But I think it was one of the happiest moments I have had for months. And I really really miss her.

But it's confusing. I've learnt that she actually cheated on me while we were together. Which makes me think that she cheated on her previous bf as well (which he blogged about and hence I know about it). But I still like(not love? I don't know) her.

I was chatting with another friend about her and said friend said she could not understand why so many guys would be willing to do so many things about her when they can see her for who she really is. I guess it's part of her charm which I am finding so much trouble getting out of. She managed to make you feel wanted, when a lot of other girls just come across as ice bitches.

Now I am really at a loss. I don't know what to do. I want to be with her and yet I know being with her will only lead to sorrow. She isn't the sort who will be tied down to one person. She is a social butterfly, friendly to everyone. I believe I have grown and matured as a person. I am no longer the clingy sort of person (as probably seem with Rachel, where I felt it was so tiring to meet everyday). Plus I have work which takes up my time and I can see how tired and probably frustrated she was working and I was studying. I do wonder what would happen. Is it possible? I'm so afraid at the moment. I went to sleep thinking of her and woke up thinking of her and them wishing for the oblivion of sleep. I don't want to keep thinking about her, and yet it's going to be so difficult.

God, I really wish to be with her...