Email to her

This is what I wanted to send:

I really hate to pressure you as I know you hate it as well. I know you're going through something tough right now.

But I'm going back to Mel in a few days time and if I don't get this off my chest, I'll feel really lousy.

I don't know the whole story, and you're not likely to tell me anytime soon. I have always maintained that I just want you to be happy and that is still the case. Despite the outburst in Hong Kong, I don't even blame you for it. We were always in agreement that you were free to date around if you so chose it. I wasn't around enough for you when you needed someone. I think the calls back to you came at too late a time. I can't blame you if you accepted someone else to replace me.

Anyway, the way I see it right now, there are a few things that I need to say.

I would like to know my status with you. What ever you want, I'll just accept it and move on from there. You want me to be your friend only? Fine. I'll just be a normal friend. You want me to remain your best friend, I would want that. I have always felt most comfortable with you and talking to you. And I still think that you feel the same way about me. Maybe not the most exciting, but you are always very comfortable around me. You want me to be your boyfriend? I'll absolutely love that. You want me to just be your future husband? Anything to be with you for the rest of my life. You want me to just leave you alone? I can do that as well. I just want to know so I can have some sort of closure.

If you're undecided about who to choose, I'll fight for the right to be close to you. The times I spent with you for these 2 years were among the best I've had. We're had our arguments, but I could really have seen myself spending the rest of my life with you. All I wanted was to earn enough money so that I could do just that. Things didn't work out as I expected though. Even the best laid plans can go to waste.

But I haven't. Don't know why. I half suspect that it'll just make it worse.

I've sent her another SMS asking her about when the talk can be done and what my status is to her. No reply yet. Maybe I should just walk away now before my heart is shattered beyond repair.