Another dream

The dreams are coming thick and fast now. I'm really missing Starfish I guess.

This dream was about her coming to look for me. She didn't say much, but looked very haggard and down. I asked her why? Was it because she missed me. She burst out in tears and said yes. I hugged her and said that I missed her too. I asked her to be strong.

I think the important thing was that I told her, "You know that we can never be together again, right?"
"You should have thought about all these before doing the things that you did."

She ended up throwing a tantrum cause I wasn't giving in to her or doing things her way, and at that moment in time, my heart broke and I wanted her to be happy again. I didn't want her to be angry or unhappy. But I think equally importantly, I told her that I can be whatever we were before we broke off. I can keep her company, I can talk to her, I can go out and do things with her. But I will not be her boyfriend ever again. She had hurt me one too many times.

I guess I really miss her a lot. I really love her a lot. But at the end of the day, I have also come to realization that we can never be together ever again. I think it wouldn't hurt me so much right now in reality if she had actually shown that she was sad and missed me too. But that is sadly just a fantasy. She doesn't miss me. She had stopped loving me a long time ago. This breakup didn't hurt her as much as it hurt me.

I need to be positive. I need to stop wallowing in self pity. I need to pick myself up and move on with life. My life will be better without her.