Confused

I thought I was over it, but seeing her again just made me depressed. She didn't even seem to be affected at all. Did all the times and moments we shared mean nothing?

I could barely look at her without feeling like breaking down. I feel like I never want to see her EVER again, and yet I can't help but say I still love her.

I feel like quiting unicycling and Team Uni and just leaving all these painful memories behind. I love unicycling and have so many obligations in Team Uni that I can't just walk away. But is it really worth all these pain?

Do i really have to remain as close friends with her? I only agreed because of all she had done for me. Or was she just toying with my feelings, treating me as her plaything? I feel so empty now.

A friend asked my how I was and I replied

"I can't afford to die"

Which is all I can say. I feel like escaping from all these pain and just leaving it behind. But I have obligations to my family. I have to repay them for bringing me up. I have to let them live a comfortable life. I can't just walk away.

They say time heals all wounds. But I'm a sentimental idiot. I cling on to things that I should let go. I'm one of those funny people that like old stuff better then new stuff. When will I be able to let go?