I just want her to be happy.

Don't know if I'm getting over it. Seems less pain now. A part of me is however still unwilling to let go, to forget, to find closure.

She seems to be turning up for unicycling activities a lot more now. Ever since we broke up. Was it because of me that she was avoiding unicycling? I have no idea.

I can't really talk to her now. It's still too painful. I don't want to see her either, it's also too painful.

Last hockey session, I saw her ride past me. Did she see me? I have no idea. I ended up avoiding her until I could do it no more when the game started. And I just didn't have the heart to play.

I ended up hiding on a staircase landing in a pretty deserted building on the top of a hill. I could look down through the trees and see her. I could see most of the courts, but I ended up only having eyes for her. It was nice to see her so happy. The guy who also had a complicated relationship with her was also there. He blogged not too long ago that he still loves her and just wants her to be happy.

It's the same for me. I still love her and can't forget her. I don't want to.

I wonder if I should wait, wait till she's either available once again or has found someone else. It's more likely that she'll find someone else. She's like that.

I guess for me, I have the fear that I'll just end up alone when I'm old. I really want someone to be there with me. And I don't think it can/will be her. But as long as there is a glimer of hope, I will be like a drowning man, clutching at straws in the hope that it will keep me afloat. To lose all hope would be to die.

As was put so aptly in Dante's Peak, the sign above hell reads
"Abandon hope, all ye who enter"

If I lose hope, then it will be the end of me.